It has been some time since I wrote here..  wrote anything at all.......

I don't remember the date, but I'd worked the night before and was sleeping my usual sleep of the dead.......  I woke up thinking Mary was having a nightmare.  She was in fact having a seizure.  I tipped her on her side and called 911.  Opened the door for the paramedics.  Her blood sugar was 43 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) She woke up disoriented (what are all these boys in blue doing in my bedroom??)  They made her eat a tube of something to bring up her blood sugar.  She then had a PB&J sandwich with a glass of orange juice.  We declined the trip to County (nearest hospital) signed off the paperwork and I took her to Chandler.  She fell in with an endocrinologist who diagnosed her with Adrenal Insufficiency.   She now follows with Dr. Alamir and has had and up and down.. now mostly upwards trend in her health issues.  She still has her days...  but right now, things are much better.

Today she sees Dr. Alamir, and then off to Kitty's for a visit.

update

boy, a lot has happened since I last wrote about health issues...

colonoscopy revealed polyp with early formation of probably cancer cells. I am doomed for repeat colonoscopys... 3 years apart . Not looking forward to it.. I woke up during the last one when they were apparently doing manipulation trying to straighten things out. Since I woke up, the doctor decided for future ones, I'll be in the OR under heavier sedation. I guess if there is to be a bright side, this would be it.

the surgery on my R eye improved vision - no more floaters to block my 'view'. My prescription on my glasses changed an entire diopter. New glasses, and now waiting fo the L eye surgery. That is at the bottom of the list right now. I can live with floaters in my eye, as long as I can see out of one good eye. Oh, speaking of 'good eye' - I will develope cataracts earlier with surgery on the eye. Getting old sucks.

I had my breast reduction. read about that elsewhere on my blog. Almost healed up from this, and I blew my L knee. Next week I'm going to have the knee replaced. read about that elsewhere also.

I'm slowly losing weight. No big changes in diet or exercise. I rarely drink soda, or other beverages. coffee with H/H. I could cut calories there, but why? It is a rare drink for me and I'd rather enjoy it in all the creamy goodness. Green tea. Rare beer or alcohol. I have rare urges for the salty snacks I once so loved. It is easy to pass them by in the store and not purchase. I do look, and gauge my inner reaction. Eh. no need. Interesting.

just another day

God its hot in the desert. People are complaining all over the country about the heat. They should try our special stuff in the desert southwest. I'm so happy that climate change has been disproved. Do you note the sarcasm, dear reader?

Had my colonoscopy on monday. One polyp, biopsy pending. This is my 3rd go-round. so far all negative. Tortuous colon. more sedation, manipulation, work out the kinks. Not fun waking up in the middle of things... But its another health issue addressed. On to the next.

My 14 year anniv. was yesterday. Made special dinner. Today made cupcakes (early in the morning, thank you). Will spend a quiet day, charging boat batteries. Hope to climb out of the desert pan and into the mountains tomorrow and do some fishing. Anything to get away from the heat. UGH.

who knows what

so it's 24 hours later and things are 180 degrees opposite of where it was... Mary is her old self. hungry. eating. moving well. talking in strong voice. able to function. I really don't know what is going on. It would be nice to have an answer to her health issues. I think we may have to investigate toxic issues. But where would she be getting toxins, if I don't get them too???????

This week we have short outings. A busy next 2 days. Today the drug store and then Target. Tomorrow Lowes. Thursday we go out to dinner and then to the studio to drop off a screened patio door for drying material for saggar firings. Wish I lived closer to the studio at the college, be able to fire in different atmospheres and such. But i have the studio at home. I'm on forced holiday from pottery, as it is too blessed hot in the garage to work. Its all I can do to go out and work on my clay, be sure it doesn't dry out in the pugmill. That would be a mess indeed.

We will see. What we will see.

july 25 sunday afternoon

well, I had to call off work tonight. FMLA for mary. She's not well and I cannot afford to have her slide any further into weakness. If I'm not here to care for her, she sleeps. Doesn't want to eat. Pushes herself to care for the animals (if I call to remind her I didn't). I work 3 nights in a row, 12 hour shifts, and if I'm not watching, by the time I get home from my 3rd night, she's pretty depleted. I didn't ask her to weigh in, but I know she's lost a few more pounds. Fibromyalgia sucks, and what ever else is going on isn't helping. So far the doc's cannot figure it out. Colonoscopy was negative. Blood tests are negative. What is with the nausea/vomiting/diarrhea? I had to take her to the ER last month as I couldn't handle it at home - couldn't GET a handle on it at home and she was spiraling downward quicker than I could keep up. Keep up? who am I kidding?? It was 8 hours+ in the ER with 2L fluids and potassium replacement, and IV pain meds as for 3 days she wasn't able to take any of her meds. Its a very scary thing.

I'm having random thoughts from nowhere intruding, wondering how I'm gonna do/ what I'm gonna do/ how I'm gonna handle things on my own after shes gone. I don't like those thoughts at all.

We're going to put together a jar of things to do on our time off. Pull a destination from the jar and go play, on those days she feels up to it..... But I told her we'd have to make a contract in addition to the jar. That she has to take care of herself - PROMISE to do so, for the days/nights I'm at work. It isn't fair to me that I have to work 3 nights at the hospital (and believe me, it takes a lot out of me) only to come home and take care of her for 4 days, trying to get her strong again. She simply has not recovered from her last time being sick.

We'd had a vacation planned at Lake Powell, with houseboat and my aunt from Michigan. Mary got sick some 10 days out, and we had to cancel my aunt, cancel the boat, cancel vacation. Lost all the $$ on the boat and I spent the entire time off trying to help her get better. House stuff. tippy toeing around. trying to feed her up. That was May. In June, we had split the first week of vacation - I went to michigan, she to Las Vegas to see Shannon graduate - with honors. I had a nice week, then got the phone call on friday that Mary had been sick all week. Missed graduation, missed all the parties. Spent the week in the hotel, in bed or in the bathroom. Mary was supposed to have joined me in Michigan on Sunday and we were to drive to Canada to spend the week with her cousin and his wife. I changed my travel arrangements, flew home on Saturday. Drove to Vegas on Sunday. Drove us home on Monday. And Mary still hasn't recovered. Our friend Dee picked her up yesterday, they had lunch together and Dee cut Marys hair. So today, Mary had leftovers from her lunch (it was a very small box of something). Today she had a yogurt. I called of sick when she was nauseated, diaphoretic (she agreed- asked me to.. she doesn't like it when I call off sick) and since then she had a piece of toast. Now she's sleeping. I hope.

I will clean the kitchen. Take some tylenol for the pain in my legs, ankles, calfs.... I have my own issues and problems. For this week I cannot take my Ibuprophen 800 because a week from tomorrow I have my colonoscopy. I really hope to be able to last this week off my regular meds..... My problems are so insignificant compared to what Mary endures. Its hard to imagine, that between her sister and her spouse, Mary and I, that I am the healthiest. Strongest. It wears thin at times. I have to put on a strong face and just go out and do. And then the thoughts intrude... what will she do if I should die first? She has said she'll die. Cannot physically live without my help, assistance, caring for her. And I know this to be true. She can barely survive when I'm doing my 3 nights at work.

I don't want to sound a complainer. Whiner. But how do I live? How do I survive? Just by doing. And what is to become of me if I cannot get her through this? I do not want to live without her. I want happiness with her after I retire. Will that come soon enough? I don't know. I just don't know.